Yesterday evening – all day I couldn’t find myself a place , rattled, unsure, worried. My husband wasn’t texting me as he usually does. This put me into even more sour mood, overthinking anxiety, despite the fact I knew where he was. Then something weird happened I had a meeting with my team, I was myself again. Just for that one hour. I felt like I can be positive again and try to work through this. However, after the meeting, my husband send me a message and again we had an argument.
I feel so lost when we argue, I love him, so much and I know what I have done over the weekend was bad, done but I felt like no one is listening to me anymore, I felt like I am asking for help but there is no response. And I lashed out. Lashed out bad don know what I was thinking but in that one moment, I really believed everyone would be better without me. So I did something stupid If it wasn’t for my sister and her boyfriend, I don’t know how bad it would be. My husband is losing with me, he is falling out of love with me and I am helpless.
I know I made a mistake, but people forgive each other worst things. Fight with him send me off to the negativity again, the whole journey home I was so anxious, couldn’t sit still or look at my phone or watch a movie as I usually do. This is the horrible feeling. all your body responds to what your head is thinking.
I have finally told my parents the truth, about finances, well they weren’t impressed.
But it kind of made me feel better. I then spoke to my husband when he woke up and try to tell him how I feel.
We went to bed not even touching each other – I think this is the hardest thing ad we both very affectionate people. I miss him so much !!!