Day 1 – Evening

Yesterday evening –   all day I couldn’t find myself a place , rattled, unsure,  worried.  My husband wasn’t texting me as he usually does. This put me into even more sour mood, overthinking anxiety, despite the fact I knew where he was.  Then something weird happened I had a meeting with my team, I was myself again. Just for that one hour.  I felt like I can be positive again and try to work through this.  However, after the meeting, my husband send me a message and again we had an argument.

I feel so lost when we argue, I love him, so much and I know what I have done over the weekend was bad, done but I felt like no one is listening to me anymore, I felt like  I am asking for help but there is no response.  And I lashed out.  Lashed out bad don know what I was thinking but in that one moment, I really believed everyone would be better without me. So I did something stupid If it wasn’t for my sister and her boyfriend,   I don’t know how bad it would be.  My husband is losing with me, he is falling out of love with me and I am helpless.

I know I made a mistake, but people forgive each other worst things. Fight with him send me off to the negativity again, the whole journey home I was so anxious, couldn’t sit still or look at my phone or watch a movie as I usually do.  This is the horrible feeling. all your body responds to what your head is thinking.

I have finally told my parents the truth,  about finances, well they weren’t impressed.

But it kind of made me feel better.  I then spoke to my husband when he woke up and try to tell him how I feel.

We went to bed not even touching each other –  I think this is the hardest thing ad we both very affectionate people. I miss him so much  !!!




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