Another Day

It was a difficult weekend , all my emotions were dancing, from low to high, my anxiety turned to frustration. On Friday my work asked me to take some time off to sort myself out.  As of today I got sign off for a month.  Well today  is day 1, I started it with exercise , and little tiredness helped me to dispose  of some of my emotions. I spoke to my husband this morning , I am afraid of loosing him, but he is so angry and doesn’t know how to control it, he is so miserable and horrible to me.  The man I love so much is turning to a bitter angry shell.  But I still love him, I care about him. I miss him so much. I know he is tired and frustrated that he needs space.  I will try so hard to give him space.  Despite the fact I feel so neglected and lost.

I want him to be able to trust me and fall in love with me again. Sometimes I feel like he is trying to be a bachelor again, on his own , do what he wants.

I am terrified about our son, how would he take the heartbreaking news if he decides to leave.

I feel so alone, all I want is his kiss and cuddle , and kind words, I want him to see me as a woman I was , strong undefeated , independent.

I am struggling so much lately , I was speaking to a counter today to set up our marriage counselling , and I almost broke in tears. When I was at my GP , I cried infant of the Dr who was taking care of me.

 

I don’t think I ever was so terrified to lose a man in my life. I not only lose him, but his family and nephews and niece .

 

What do I do  ??

 

A. X

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